Three men have proved that commuting can be a pain in the ass – in more ways than one!

They were filmed having full-sex as well as performing hand-jobs, and blowjobs in front of shocked passengers. Last week at a Westminster Magistrates Court, boyfriends Nicholas Mullan, 24, and George Mason, 35 appeared before a judge. The third participant was unable to be identified. Probably because he had two dongs on his face.

The prosecution went off: “This is a case of outraging public decency on a London Underground train.

“On the 19th of February 2018, British Transport Police were contacted to a report of a video which had been posted online showing three men engaged in explicit sexual acts on a train.

“It showed full sex, oral sex and masturbation in the presence of the travelling members of the public”. Well, at least these rising public transport prices include some live entertainment.

[RELATED: Uncle and Nephew Stumble Upon 12-Man Orgy in Public Toilet]

The prosecution added: “It appears to take place on the Northern Line between Leicester Square and London Waterloo.”

Hold up… How did three queens manage to cover all three bases in just three tube stops? That’s like one sex act every two minutes, which is hard enough to achieve when there’s only two of you.

The gay man who reported the incident apparently¬†“thought the video overstepped the mark and was morally unacceptable”. Wait, the video was the morally unacceptable bit? Not getting spit-roasted along the Embankment during rush hour?

The couple will re-appear in court on February 1st. Hopefully, they won’t be spending Valentines behind bars, as doesn’t their partnership just sound so romantic anyway?