We want someone LIKE our friends, just not our actual ones.

The thing with New Years is that if people really wanted to change they wouldn’t wait for a new calendar to do it. I’ve made a few big changes in my life (mainly to do with weight management), every one I’ve stuck to, and not a single one started on January 1st. Or even in January at all. The thing is people don’t usually change overnight; quitting bad habits cold turkey aside. Half the time, changes take places without you even realising.

If we look back on 2013, it didn’t get off to the best of starts with ratchet Grindr meets that couldn’t get it up and harboured dildos the size of a baby goat underneath their bed – fail. But come the end of the year, not only were random hook ups with guys we were way too good for a thing of the past, but we’d made a conscious effort not to meet guys while under the influence (kind of a no-brainer, but you live and learn); something that evolved when one too many regrets come to light.

But what struck us most about last year was the boundaries that people were crossing. And I’m not talking about the poor fur ball we humiliated, or getting taxis across town for 8am Grindr meets, or even the cool sex parties that took over our summer. What I’m referring to is the number of us that crossed our friendship barriers into some sort of grey area. Whether the relationships went from friends to friends-with-benefits, a one off shag when you were both off your face or kissing on the night bus after hours of drinking, it seemed that everyone around me (not excluding myself, of course) was turning to their mates for a little more than a drinking buddy.

But I think what most of us realised is that, the boundary is there for a reason. Whether you’ve fancied someone since the moment you met or are just trying it out after a dozen tequila shots; once they’ve been your friend for a certain period of time it becomes hard to see them as anything other than your sister. How freaked out would you have been to see Buffy and Xander get together? Exactly. 

I used to think that when guys said “I just see you as a friend” or “I don’t wanna ruin our friendship” that I’d have to call the maid to come clean up all the bullshit that had just leaked on the floor. But it’s in every Hollywood script for a reason; it’s true. It doesn’t mean your ugly (unless you’ve got eyebrows so thin they look like they’ve been starving themselves) and it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not attracted to you – what it possibly does mean is that they’re not sexually attracted to you. Again, thats probably just because they now see you as someone they care about too much to throw their legs in the air and spit in their face.

I’ll tell you what is bullshit though, those people who you read about that were friends for life and then suddenly realised he was under her nose all along. No girl, what they realised was that they were both so ridiculously pathetic that they better pair up before they die alone. If you’re close friends, it just doesn’t happen like that. You don’t fall in love with someone after seeing their disfigured face after a messy weekend at Lovebox, or throwing on tatty extensions from an old dressing up box – these are the things that you hide from the person until they’re in deep enough to accept them. #Entrapment

But one question remains: Why? Had we exhuasted all the possible potential shags in the city and were now laying it on our own pack? Definitely not. I believe that – like how women who spend a lot of time together get their periods in sync – as a group, we’ve matured together and are now simultaneously seeking something more than just a quick fuck. And so, subconsciously turn to the people we feel most comfortable with. It demonstrates that we’re now basing our decisions on men on who we’re compatible with – not, who’s within a 1km radius when we’re at a chill out. But it also goes to show, is how people can change without setting themselves a start date.

For example; cleaning out the photos on my phone, I came across loads of a guy I was infatuated with this time last year… Totes deleted. And not in a bitter “I hate you so much right now” Kelis-screaming way… just because life goes on. I didn’t decide I was over him on New Years Day, it was just something that happened over the last year. Lord knows I tried to wake up without him on my mind – countless times – but you change when you’re ready.

So I guess my point is two things:
a) You don’t wake up one morning and decide it’d be fun to put your dick inside your best mate.
b) With a subconscious desire for more than just a hot guy with 2 brain cells – are we actually growing up?

Other posts you might like:
>> DATING TALES: Friends with Benefits?
>> The Evolution of ‘The’ Club
>> CAUTION: Beware of the limits