Gay male couple holding hands

Anybody that’s ever watched a property show, understands the term ‘fixer-upper’. It’s when somebody buys a house in a bruck-down state that nobody wants, invests time, energy and money to transform it into something immaculate. So, if we can do this with our dream homes, why can’t we do it with our dream man?

We’ve all heard doe-eyed couples drool “he brings out the best in me.” Really, ‘cause we all think you’re a cunt now, though that’s beside the point. We can bring out the best in someone mentally, but we can also do it physically too. It sounds shallow, but when everybody is impatiently waiting for the perfect man, why not jump the queue? Although, technically you’re not pushing in, you’re just taking an alternate route.

And why, when we can find men that make us laugh and are interesting, do we instantly reject them because we don’t physically fancy them? Because we’re searching for a rigid ideal that’s been built-up over years of idealizing celebrities and models, and watching far too much porn. Perhaps what we should really be looking for here, is potential. We can easily walk into an empty – or even damaged – space and see how much we could accomplish, sure it’s nice to find somewhere that’s already furnished and passes the survey with flying colours, but we’re more open-minded than that surely?

We’ve all known somebody that did absolutely nothing for us sexually. Then a few months down the line you bump into them into a club, and they’ve been hitting the gym, taking care of themselves – and all of a sudden we’re telling them, “you look well” (aka: fuck you’ve turned it around, I’d dick you now). Followed by the clichéd “good to see you” message.

It’s certainly a nice idea in theory, especially if all you’d have to do is get them a decent haircut and throw away their hideous shoes, but you can drag a lazy gay to a gym, but you can’t make him workout. But even if he’d go of his own freewill, anybody that’s seen Will & Grace will know the problem one can encounter creating their fantasy fella. You can get a shiny new toy, but girl you better believe that every other kid in the playground is gonna try and play with it. So you better make sure he’s fallen good and hard while he’s still in ruins.

Like developing a property, developing a boyfriend can require a lot of time and effort, for much less return. You could also encounter stubborn foundations, and get refused planning permission for your transformation. The key is not to undertake too big a project; you just wanna redecorate, not refurbish the entire venue. It’s a gentle nudge in the right direction towards more your type, not changing an entire person ’cause they make you chuckle every now and then. And while it may seem superficial to try to alter anyone’s appearance, is it not in fact the opposite of that, because you’ve actually seen beyond the hair, and the clothes and the grooming, to what’s beneath?ant-footer1