Remember that time that guy put his hands down your pants on the dance floor and you didn’t even know his name? Totally. What about the time you thought you were Shakira after sniffing too much K? Obviously. Or how about when sweaty steroid back rubbed against you and you squeeled like a little pig? Duh.

The term “trashbag” gets thrown around quite a lot on the gay scene, but here is our definitive list of what defines a trashy Vauxhall bitch…

1. You’ve sworn you’re having a “quiet” weekend, and find yourself in Orange

2. You’ve been off your face in a Tesco Metro somewhere south of the river

3. Ever given a blowjob in the toilets of FiRE

4. Told your friend to “keep an eye out for security” while you bumped on the dance floor

5. Woken up in the Medic Room of AREA after the club had closed

6. Squiffed out in front of Monday morning commuters at Vauxhall station

7. Had a scuff with a tranny for dancing space on a podium

8. Had a complete stranger tell you to wipe your nostril

9. Taken a date to Vauxhall and gone home with someone else

10. Called in sick for work from the Gravity smoking area

11. Found yourself bumping on the hills at midday

12. Purposely brought your sunglasses to Onyx

13. Know what happens in the upstairs of Barcode on a Friday night…

14. …And been there anyway

15. Picked a baggie out the toilet

16. Been in a worse state than Glendora

17. Spent a whole night at Chariots and felt like this in the morning

18. Played a BEYOND podcast at a chill out

19. You took a hiatus after they stopped letting more than one person in a cubicle

20. Been to a chill out where people have gone loco without sleep

21. Walked in to WE Party like this…

22. …And left like this

23. Asked everybody on Facebook chat, “Kno any dealers?”

24. Ever chatted shit to people in the Later garden

25. Been to a chill out that was a little like this…