You probably already know that this is one of those articles that’s gonna make you winch, gasp and probably giggle. This list from Defector (via TheSword), outlines all the terrible things that happened to men’s knobs in 2021.

Naturally, some of these do sound like extremely unfortunate accidents, while others, well… a lil sus.

The Firestarter

Bottle of hand sanitizer in his pants pocket burst and got onto penis then dropped lit cigarette on penis while sitting on toilet.”

DIY Cock Ring

Put a shower curtain ring on his penis and now can’t get it off

Don’t Bottle It

Penis has been stuck in hard plastic bottle with a narrow opening for the past 3 days. Does not recall how he got his penis stuck in the bottle.

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Getting drilled

Drilling wood when he accidentally dropped the drill onto his groin

The Jumpstart

Penis pain due to placing car jumper cables on penis

Ran out of soap?

Washed his genitals with industry laundry detergent

The Deadly Sleepwalk

Tried to cut off penis with trauma shears in sleep.

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The DIY Fleshlight

“Was helping his friend move some stuff in the dark so had to use flashlights. When one of the flashlights would not go out, he tried to take the battery out when battery acid got on his penis.”

The Clumsy Chastity Belt

Put padlock on penis with no key and unable to remove it. Unlocked by a locksmith.

From one emergency service to the next

Playing with a plastic firetruck and got his penis caught in the ladder

Interior D-sign

Was moving things around his living room when he fell, knocking a glass vase on the ground which shattered, then fell onto the shards sustaining lacerations to penis

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