I found my husband’s Grindr profile. I’m just not sure what to do. My husband and I have been together for ten years – we’re both in our mid-30s now. Last week, while he was in the bath – I was looking through his phone for our holiday snaps, but I noticed the Grindr app on it.
I’ve seen Grindr in action before, because some guys at work have shown me it. I couldn’t help myself and I opened it up – now I wish I hadn’t. He’s been sending pictures of his dick and ass to lots of fellas – and has been getting them back. I haven’t confronted him yet as I’m just not sure what to do.
Is he gay?
If he’s bi – I’m not sure I could stay with him – as I don’t want to end up having to share him with other guys. Breaking up at this point just isn’t doable as far as I can see.
We’ve recently moved into a new house, the mortgage is massive, I couldn’t pay it by myself and I need to live around here because of my work.
Dear Accidental Snooper,
I would love to give you a solid answer on your husband’s sexuality, but only he can do that. I don’t know if he’s gay or bisexual, but I would bet my house that he’s not straight. However, I will say that I think bisexuality is your best hope, so if a short commute to work is paramount, you’ll probably have to reconsider your initial judgements, specifically any underlying bi-phobia.
I know what you’re gonna say “I can’t be biphobic! I have gay friends at work!” but honey, just because Limp-wrist and Lisp wanna take you for a walk down Grindr alley on your lunch break, doesn’t mean you don’t have unconscious bias.
You imply that his bisexuality is what makes him a cheater, but unless you’ve got the world’s tightest pussy, I don’t doubt this oaf would still cheat if he were straight. But this is why a confrontation is not only inevitable, but important, to find out if he actually did cheat, or if he was just sexting boys that do the gross things in bed you probably won’t.
Having a discussion with him will at least give him the chance to explain. Then you can decide if it’s forgivable or not. You’re obviously not fine with him taking male lovers (and their schlongs) on the side. But can you forgive him for sexting men and trust that, he either won’t do it again in the future, or come to an arrangement where you’re OK if he does from time to time?
If it’s just some sexts, you can potentially recover from this and learn to live with his bisexuality; but your worries are understandable! If he’s into something that you cannot provide (an 8-inch uncut cock) then what’s to stop his urges getting a little out of control and wrapping themselves around some local twink’s stiffy? But… it might just be a case of you pegging him once in a while.
If you cannot overlook his bisexuality or virtual infidelities, then sell the house, and move into a cupboard that’s also close to work. Bim, bam, bosh.
[Original problem taken from Gay UK]