A gay escort claims that giving up sex for a year has given him a penchant for pussy.
Dominic Hilton, 27, has always been gay. He began escorting at 18 before giving it up for love – or well, a string of unsuccessful relationships with men, at least. But after a brutal break-up around Christmas 2017, he swore off sex because… um, that’s what Mary did after she had Jesus?
OK, jokes. On why he chose celibacy, he said “I wanted to do something to make myself happy.” Riiiight, and what part of swollen balls and a dusty asshole is fun? (And here we are trying to get laid every weekend and there are people willingly passing it up – ungrateful bastards).
But he openly contradicted himself, telling The Mirror: “Sex is always something I enjoyed,” so why would you give it up sis?
“But this past year, that sexual attraction to men has just gone.”
It was during a holiday with a gay friend that he noticed the revelation. “I’d usually be chatting about guys we could see and if I thought they were attractive,” he continued, “I just couldn’t join in.”
“I just don’t find men attractive anymore, I have no intention of sleeping with a man again”. Blessed be, more for us! Although, maybe that’s because all the men he’s slept with were either heartbreakers… or clients.
“It was a gradual thing – not like someone flicked a switch and I was straight,” he claims. Well, duh. The only person who can flick a switch and change you completely is God, and we think he had better thing to do than watch over this princess in Gran Canaria.
He’s since come out to his family again – as straight. How traumatised they must be. And is now searching for a girl to lose his heterosexual virginity too… girls, don’t blame him if he shoves it up the wrong hole, old habits die hard.
And if that shit ain’t off-the-wall enough, he’s also not camp anymore.
“Before, I was quite camp, whereas I’m not now. Growing up, I loved dressing in makeup like Boy George, but these days, I’m always in tracksuits,” he said, describing literally every chav gay.
Seriously, this is about as believable as the guy who blamed his voyeurism fetish on a dry spell.