Remember when we used to have to meet men in bars, and then flirt face-to-face, before going back to theirs, the anticipation building of what their naked body actually looks like? Yeah we did a lot of crazy shit before dick pics, but where, exactly, are we headed?

This week Apple revealed a new feature of their latest upgrade: the Measure app. That promises it can measure anything. At which point, the discussion naturally makes a B-line for the male anatomy. Because what else are we really measuring? Jack shit. And Apple being smart is fully aware what the majority of us will use the app for. And there undoubtedly people stupid enough to favour the iPhone over other brands because they have a ruler.

[RELATED: 7 Things the World Did Before Dick Pics]

As cock catfishers are feeling the heat as pressure to tell the truth about their tackle closes in… how will it impact our sexting? Well, it will – although proved not entirely accurate – presumably, give a more accurate impression of what he’s – or you’re – packing, than lighting and angles. So will sending dick pics with the Apple’s Measure of approval be the new standard? Well, it is perhaps more logical than a remote control or a can of Lynx Africa.

But how much closer can we get to sex, while still avoiding real-life interaction as much as we possibly can?

Real-time measurements are clearly just the start of the technical enhancements of our digital sex lives. Measure itself, already uses augmented reality to combine the real world with computer generated graphics: so we’d presume there are already adult games that let you fuck an augmented hole while a computer-generated cyborg moans in synchronous response.

All we need now are fleshjacks and dildos with Bluetooth.

3D-cloning is potentially not that far behind, so will we be exchanging life-size replicas of our dongs that appear from our smartphones in hologram-form, like a futuristic pop-up porno book? And even then, how long before holograms take on tangible structures, so we can literally ride men just through a sext?

And surely after that, erotic virtual reality chats will one day be the norm, for us to simulate full-sex so we don’t even have to have a contact in our phonebook to begin with.

Anybody else miss CamRoulette?

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