My 16-year-old son has been seeing his girlfriend since April last year when she moved into our area. But he recently told us something that could change everything for him – he confessed that he’s been having an affair with his girlfriend’s dad since November.

Her dad said he doesn’t care what others think and wants to leave his wife so they can be together.

I feel pleased that my son has been honest with me, but angry over what’s happened, not least because I’ve brought him up to know that cheating is wrong.

He says he isn’t gay, that he’s just attracted to this man, and that him being happy is all that should matter. He admits he’s not who he’d usually fall for, but that it just happened.

I’m worried about lots of things – the age gap and the fact this man has two other younger children. What would be the reality for ­them if they went public with this ­relationship? I’m worried about hostility they may get from friends, family and neighbours, as well as the devastation it would cause.

My son’s girlfriend (and her family) are Indian, although they’re not ­religious. What should my husband and I do about this?

It’ll be difficult to stop my son seeing this man but we’re sick with stress.

Firstly, I must commend you on raising such a character. I can only imagine the faces of your friends, discussing their children’s academic accomplishments at the dinner table, when you drop the “Well, MY son is only 16 and already has a regular bang in the pipeline, and that’s just with his girlfriend’s dad…”

OOH MAMA, that kinda bomb be leaving gravy skidmarks ALL over the guests.

Still though, it’s great that your maternal bond is strong enough to confide his homewrecking habits. 

I know your son said he’s not gay, but this mincer has stirred up an entire soap opera worth of drama before he’s turned 17. She’s gay, hun. And she’s gonna be a handful.

But pause for a minute, shift it back… If he been dipping his poppadom in your son’s mango chutney for the last year, doesn’t that mean your son was 15 at one stage? Yeah, I think we can all agree, that we’ve got a Grade-A nonse on our hands.

Not to mention that a man who “doesn’t care” about his wife and children, in order to pursue a youthful dick (that belongs to his daughter, I might add) is clearly unstable. The inevitable downfall of this man is sure, but don’t let your son be the twink that broke the camel’s home.

You’re right to have worries. Although, what the neighbours think is the last of them, hun. Your son is being groomed by his step-dad, and don’t let any of that “we belong together”, or “the dick is so good” romantic bullshit cloud your judgement, that’ll be the Stockholm syndrome talking. Next thing you know, he’ll be tied up in a basement, being fed rations of sunlight.

The “reality” for them… Is breaking the hearts of a woman and two innocent children, before being kicked out of his home and living in a dreggy B&B on the side of the motorway, (ask your son if he likes fucking on Travelodge bedsheets, that’ll make a queer recoil), perhaps you’ll get to wear a sari at their delusional gay wedding,

Seriously, Susan. Stop this in its tracks before it runs away with it’s girlfriends dad. The next step is to sit down with your son, and explain that
gays are always better Mariahs than they are pariahs. And if he’s still *bent* on following this Bollywood fantasy, get round the gaff and crack him one in the nut with a crowbar. That’s what we’d do round Gravesend.

Good luck! xoxo

*Fagony Aunt is a cunty drag queen, please let her do her job, and stop writing complaint letters.