A gay blogger, a hunchback midget and sixteen ropey prostitutes walk into a dive bar… It might sound like the opening to a crude – and probably offensive – joke, but it’s what was currently happening on my holiday in the Dominican Republic. Although it wasn’t the random clientele that were making me laugh. OK, the hunchback midget was making me laugh a bit.
But primarily, I couldn’t help but smirk out of pure confusion as to why – in what can only be described as the least stimulating surroundings – all I could think about was sex. Especially when I’d had sex the night before. And the night before that. (Hey, I was on holiday…) But it wasn’t just the Caribbean air. Even before I boarded the plane, my sex drive had been higher than Gwyneth Paltrow’s opinion of herself.
“You are WILD right now”, I was being told left, right and centre. Because as much as I enjoy sex as much as the next gay man, I don’t have it as much as my peers (half of them have boyfriends, and the other half are just better at hoeing). And despite that, it wasn’t “normal”, at least not for me.
We live in a world now, where if you want sex that badly, there’s an app for that. Anyone can get sex, at any time, of any day that they want… But when you’re overtaken with this urge for sexual contact, ain’t nobody even need Grindr, or Scruff, or Tinder or Happn or Bumble or any of that stuff, because it just radiates from within; the vibe you’re giving off is just pure animalistic sex. And I was OK with that vibe. Your fear of rejection dissipates, and you suddenly become a professional at attracting men. It’s like they can smell the sex on you, or at least they will be able to after you’ve chewed them up and spat them out.
Remember as an adolescent, as soon as you discovered masturbation, that was it – choking the chicken whenever you had a spare 30 seconds. And you would get turned on by absolutely anything. And while some people will argue that it’s perfectly normal to have periods of nunhood, and others with uncontrollable horn; there was something about this that made it feel different; more intense; and yet more mature than the first time around.
Part of a teen’s sexual awakening is that you also begin to realise what you’re into sexually. Obviously, this time around I’m not saying I discovered I was gay again… But I did feel like more of a sexual being, and thus open-minded – a sexually awakened mind is a sexually curious mind, after all.
Lots of people (men and women) have reported hitting their sexual peak/liberation in their 40s, so perhaps it’s something that reoccurs every now and then; it may even be possible to have 4 or 5 in our lifetime. Gay men have also stated that with age, they become kinkier. Give it a week, I’ll be strutting down Old Compton Street in a dog collar and latex butcher gloves, and it won’t be because I saw it in Vogue.
It was like I was seeing myself in a new light. Not as a boy anymore, but as a young man. One that is getting in touch with their sexual side all over again. Think about it: Ariana Grande was 23 when she released Dangerous Woman. Britney Spears was 22 when she released Blackout. And somewhere around 2010 we all realized how filthy Rihanna could get.
Other people I spoke to, believed that it is something that moves in cycles – like a period, only less frequent, less blood and shit load less mood swings. And therefore would definitely be possible to have more than just two, depending on each individual.
So what instigates this sexual rebirth, as such? Well, there’s no scientific reasoning to tell anybody exactly if/when it will happen, but suggestions include: pent up sexual energy, noticeable personal growth or renewed sense of self that can alter the person’s relationships with their partners as well as their views on sex, a boost in one’s confidence that ultimately leads to reconnecting with their sexual desires, letting go of shame with regards to sex and it’s perceptions, and coming to terms with your own erotic power.
The best thing you can do is embrace it – in fact, you’ll probably have no choice.