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“Well, that’s why you’re still single!”

Just like that. A stranger that I’d been talking to for all of five minutes had just underpinned why I’m 26 and completely boyfriend-less. And it had nothing to do with writing a trashy sex blog. Of course the conclusion had arisen from that question girls love to ask gay guys; ‘what kind of guys do you go for?’

Erm, the wrong ones? The one’s that always get back with their ex anyway? Fuckboys? Basics?

Seeing the look of total discombobulation on my face, she attempted to simplify her question; ‘what’s your ideal man?’ I suspect she was expecting a generic celebrity comparison like Tom Hardy or Channing Tatum, instead of the “adrenaline junkie, stoner” that wanted to escape my mouth. “Erm, someone that kinda looks like a bad boy, but acts like a good guy…”

Bitch nearly sprayed her white wine spritzer all over me. “Well, that’s why you’re still single!” She suggested. “That doesn’t exist!”


Oh… Well that explains a lot. But it’s more than just having the bad boy ‘look’, it’s something about how he carries himself. Men tend to either be too nice, or behave like total wankers, rather than have that ‘impossible’ combination of both. And it’s truly problematic because these two types of men are bipolar opposites – so to find a man that exerts attributes of both – let alone the right quantities of each – is extremely rare. Let’s be honest, how many hunky tattooed blokes do you know that behave like gentlemen? I’m gonna take a guess and say you won’t need that second hand to count them. But it’s a more common ideal than you might think.

The good guys tend to treat you well, but leave your lust for excitement unsatisfied. While the bad boys might thrill the knickers down to your ankles, but they’re too busy texting thots to hold your hand. I’m not saying he has to open doors for me, I’m not stupid, but I don’t expect to be scalded if I tell Aisha that works at Nandos that I’m having a water, but really I’m having a Diet Coke. And I’m not saying he has to rob banks either, but he’s gotta be able to hold his own.

If you can’t handle the bants – get out of the kitchen. 

So what is the perfect combination of good/bad qualities? Predominantly we want the good guy; romance, monogamy, and respect. But there has to be some element of bad boy; cockiness, confidence, independence. There’s something to be said for a guy that can have whoever he wants, but only wants you. And you may think that surely, having a good guy outweighs this yearn for someone that keeps you on your toes, but they really are just as important as one another. Why do you think there’s millions of idiots that keep going back to the bad boy? The excitement of rough sex overrides the pleasantries of pulling out chairs.

So do these men actually exist, or are they just a fantasy? But more importantly, if not, where the fuck they at?