If you want a man in your bed, show him how much fun it is. If you want more, show less.

In ‘Tales Of Ibiza’ I mentioned a guy I’d been Whatsapping, here, the story (or is it now a fable?) continues…

Sometimes in order to get what you want, you have to learn how not to get what you want. And similarly, sometimes the only way you know what you want, is by knowing what you don’t want. It’s totally a wanting/not wanting kerfuffle.
Step 1. Know What You Want…
There’s no way of going about getting what you want, if you don’t know what that is.
Sex? A Boyfriend? Fuck buddies? Surely, you have an inclination of what you want from the guy. I, for instance, wanted sex. I wanted hand-cuffing not hand-holding, affection, seduction not sentiments – I didn’t even want compliments. I wanted to have hot, filthy sex; and I wanted it with him. How did I go about it? I bombarded him with half naked photos of myself, obviously. Well, half naked is an under statement. Semi see through Dolce’s and aviator shades were accurate. At first it kind of back fired, because he was still thinking about his ex, and naturally I just looked like a desperate whore. But did that stop him messaging me every day? No, it did not. Dolces- 1, Him- 0.
Step 2: Stick To Your Guns
And, Listen to your gut. Not literally. Girl, if it’s making noise – get to the clinic. But certainly stand by what you want. Pretty quickly, we were talking everyday and it was apparent we were flirting. But it had moved from sket and sleaze flirting, to affectionate/potential dating fluff. Honestly, some of the stuff I was saying, was cheesier than an unwashed foreskin. Even when we were taking the piss out of each other, the sexual tension was so intense… But that time had passed, for now. Take note, of how I’d gone from to ‘Mother please forgive me’ to Mother Mary in the skip of a heartbeat.
Then he’s sending me pictures of his body, all the while unaware – and sloshed – I’m still sending vomit-inducing photos of myself snuggled up in bed. I think I’m cute, he’s thinking bitch take your clothes off.
So, one drunken night he’s asking me to come to his – although not for sex. Now, time in question, I don’t want sex (if we’re gonna date, we’re gonna date properly. Ladies, am I right?), so I declined. Abeit I did decline via four different modes of communication (Whatsapp, Facebook, email, text), I know drop me out – Where’s the ‘Disable due to drunkeness’ button on iPhone?! I can’t find mine!
Step 3: Read Signals (Better)
Then, a couple days later he goes colder than the slab of pork Janice Dickinson uses as a vibrator . So what I believe had happened, was the guy I liked got caught on a redownder (rebound + downer) and thought the answer was another relationship. When the redownder wore off, like an ugly hangover, he suddenly realises this isn’t what I want. I should’ve read the signs when the type of pictures he sent changed, when he wanted me in his bed, but I was too dumb and too drunk to clock the moment (of change) when it minced by. And there he is having to rack his brain for lies, just so he didn’t have to talk to me on the phone (ouch).
Step 4: Don’t Attempt To Fix It
Realising the scenario two days later, after barely speaking to him, is about as good as Winnona Ryder in any type of retail vicinity. But live and learn, and not knowing this, I proceeded to send him more next-to-naked photos of myself.
Dumb bitch.
Needless to say, the one word response was enough for me to feel embarrassed (and nearly naked) like the start of the story.
Step 5: Know Yourself Better Than You Think You Do
Because, despite saying that you “don’t have the time for games”, there you inevitably are, a week later, wondering why he’s liked your photo on Facebook but hasn’t text you, why he’s flirting with you on whatsapp but will barely make eye contact in person, and wondering how you’re gonna act when you see him, as opposed to “yourself”?
Where Is It Now…?
Stuck. Ish. It’s like when you’re with a hot guy but you got a little sniff greedy throughout the night and can’t come, in layman’s terms; it’s unfinished business – except in this case, without even the fumble.
I could wait for the moment to, at some point, surface (which admittedly, it may never do) and things finally lead somewhere; all the while enduring a torturous mind battle about whether it will happen, or not. Or – quite simply – we could just fuck, and I can move on with my life.
Seen as I’m in no way lying down (excuse the pun) for the former, and now too dented to initiate the latter, what’s the third option?
Well if you can’t get closure from the boy, get it from the blog. Rather than wait, while being completely in the dark, or stupidly throw myself at him again, I’ll just move the whole thing out of the brain and on to the blog.Which brings me to my main point, no matter what you want, you will fuck it up, at some point. The best advice is to find closure elsewhere and leave the rest to fate, you desperate sket.