Grooming isn’t always this glam, but is totes essential.

Firstly, let’s discuss style. Going commando on the hair front, is a big No-No. I once went on a date with a guy that had a bald pecker, I thought he had alopecia. And it didn’t make his dick look any bigger than it was. The plus side to eliminating all your pubes is that you can’t ever catch crabs. The downside is that now you look like a nine-year-old boy. And nobody wants to fuck little Tom Thumb. (Apart from pedophiles, and then you just cross over into NEXT levels of wrongness).

Next, Styling: Don’t even try to take the ‘porn star’ route by trimming them into a shape. You will either a) fuck it up and that lightning bolt will look like a Parkinson’s finger or b) will look like a cunt because your pubes are in a shape. (Not to mention the fact it would have to be cleaner cut than a Mr.Toppers shave and higher maintenance than Monica Gellar). Besides nobody wants to suck off a dick that is decorated with pubic topiary.
The only clean-cut shapes that are OK are natural triangular shapes that follow the pubic line. I once went to have this done (ask for a boyzilian (which includes passage way and butt crack) but be very specific about the shape at the top) and girl, I walked out with a fucking square afro on my dick. BIBLE. As if she’s been to beauty school and has still left me with genitalia that looked like Carlton from the Fresh Prince. As if getting your knob out in front of a total stranger (that you haven’t met in chariots) isn’t embarrassing enough, I now had Vince from Recess in my XTGs. So my motto is; trusting a beautician is like trusting a heart surgeon. Your (sex) life is in their hands. I cannot stress this enough – make sure they know exactly what you want or you may end up with the ‘plucked chicken’ look. Not hot.

But a clean-cut natural-lined shape looks good. Waxing looks better and lasts longer than shaving, but is obviously more painful than child-birth and more expensive (including the hush money you tip the beautician to keep quiet about what your scrotum looks like when stretched from your belly button to your bum-hole). If you go for waxing, my advice is to just have the garden (frontal), the gravel pit (passageway) and the mud patch (crack) done. Leave the vegetable patch (balls) ALONE! It hurts like fuck and balls usually go just as smooth when shaved anyway (this is because the hairs are finer). The plus side is that waxing makes you feel completely clean (and ‘airy’), the downsides include itchiness during regrowth and possible rashes (if reactions with the wax occurs – know your skin type before furthering).

Once waxed (or shaved) the natural shape, it’s highly recommended you trim them with a clipper. They may be nicely shaped, but they’re probably still straggly enough to floss teeth with. How short to go? Usually a no.3. Men with thicker pubes can go to a 2. Home waxing isn’t recommended, as if you’re not a pro, you’ll probably do it wrong, miss places and end up with a rash. Acne isn’t hot when it’s on faces, let alone cocks.
If you want something a bit more natural than a clean-shaped wax or outside only shave, then clippers is by far the best option. Same rules apply as above, but perhaps using a shorter blade on the outer edges to give a gradual fade. And sometimes a razor on the outer-outer edges; if your bush is really wild.
Scissors are one of the worst options, I did it once when I was like seventeen. It looked like it had been hacked away at by a blind serial killer; with some places longer than the other, all uneven. If you’re mixed race and have thicker hair it can work and may be an option if clippers irritate that area.

As for Veet; I know a lot of gay men that use Veet, I also know a lot of gay men that got carpet burn on their sack cos they left it on too long. It’s a risk you run, as is ingrown hairs, which can be a lot more prominent depending on how prone you are to getting them.

Manscaping is like getting high, the most effective way to get it done is through combination technique.
The best thing to do is avoid the major dont’s and test the others out for yourself to see which works best for you. Whether you wax, shave, trim or Veet the outlinings first, never leave your pubes wirey. It’s like like getting dressed to the tens (we don’t do any less than perfect) for a party and then not brushing your teeth.