**DISCLAIMER: This post contains a number of hot messes.

Everybody loves Gran Canaria; the island of haute couture, sophistication and saggy butts that have never done a squat in their life. Not to mention being crushed between a hundred thousand glitter-covered Katy Perry stans. Thankfully, there’s an unlimited supply of alchopops and it’s easier to catch a dick than Jiggly Puff in a game of Pokemon. The heat and the unquenchable thirst turns otherwise rational people, into crazy, brazen, messes. Here’s just a few of the times that GC had totally no chill…

Photo Credits: Brian Hackett, Lee Grounsell

  1. This shy couple who covered up in spite of the heat


2. This guy who deep-throated a balloon (because he had no other offers)




3. This respectable guy getting in touch with his childhood 


4. This guy that was so thirsty he slurped this twink’s anal leakage

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5. This Wizard of Oz spitroast — now you know why the Lion was walking around Yumbo looking like he had grillz. 

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6. This lad who got taken advantage of… By a pillar 


7. This guy who said he loved big dicks, and then got more than he expected

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8. This pencil dick… Oh no, sorry, that’s just a building in the background


9. These boys who got a bit too into the swing of things… 


10. This lad who gave himself a DIY colonic… Better to be safe than skid-marked! 


11. THEM: 

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12. This queen who thought doing a Katie Price on an air hockey table was sexy. What a catch.

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13. This guy who stole Dame Edna’s shades and Bobby from TOWIE’s swimwear:

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14. RALPH LAUREN: Infamous drag queen. People go under just from her breath. 

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15. Is this what getting raped by ketamine looks like?


16. These guys who almost broke the internet like Kim Kardashian… We’re sure Paper magazine will be calling any day now. 

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17. This bloke who misread the dress code. It’s not even Christmas and the giblets are out. 

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18. Whatever is going on here. Who gave Elizabeth Taylor from American Horror Story a shot of G? 

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19. On Wednesdays we wear pink! This fashion-forward gent who flosses daily. 

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20. This masterpiece of an outfit; designed by Stella McCartney. 

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21. One too many Smirnoff Ices, hun?

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22. Half-eaten plate of processed crap? Ball bag on the loose? Elegant decor? See, you can do 5* in GC, bebs. 

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23. This stunning drag act with unbe-weave-able locks 

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24. This drag queen who caught a glimpse of her outfit in a shop window:

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25. This hun outside Burger King – is that her Big Whopper on show?


26. Whoever had to take a dignified moment to compose themselves… on a pool table. 

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27. This bad bitch


28. JUST, HIM… Defining holidays goals, girl 


29. “I’m gonna swiiiiing from the chandelier…”


30. The creative queen that made an outfit from feathers and floss

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31. This QUICHE ensemble… Kitten wedges available from Evans catalogue


32. This elegant ballerina – watch out for your clutch babes, someone will snatch that Versace 

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33. This bum/leg… Bleg?


33. This guy who looks like he needs a hand… Any volunteers?

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34. This guy and his ever-so-subtle mating call:


35. This elegant female whazzing all over the Yumbo floor:


36. These two that couldn’t afford a hotel room:


37. HER:


38. Mutton dressed as (Silence of the) Lamb


39. Everybody in this photo


40. And finally, these guys having the best oral of their life: