Words: Ben Pulsford

Prime Minister Boris Johnson is allowing us to start having casual sex again from Monday 17 May 2021 after what feels like 84 years. 

Of course, he didn’t say that exactly. And even if he had done, he would’ve thrown in toffy words like “coitus” and “coition”.

What the British PM has said is that as of 17 May indoor mixing restrictions will be officially lifted, which means that groups of six or two households will be able to mingle indoors for the first time in months. So great news for both dinner parties and group sex.

Overnight stays, hugging and kissing are also now legal again, too. And Grindr collectively said:

Where Is Glen Coco Now? A Very Important Investigation | Mean girls, Karen  smith, Amanda seyfried

Couples who live apart – who aren’t bubbling – will also be able to meet indoors for the first time this year. 

Although Boris has warned us to “carry out caution” and use “common sense”, he’s basically allowing us to start banging indoors again – so a great week to take some time off if HR is nagging you to use up those holidays.

This news means that for those of us who have been following the rules – and thus, are mentally and spiritually virginal again – you can close page 867 of PornHub and finally get your fill. We’re unofficially calling this stage of the roadmap, Eat Out To Help Out – that’s not been used before, has it?

Boris called this recent announcement a “very considerable step on the road back to normality”. 

Well, if BoJo classifies inviting five men over instead of one as normality, then yeah.

Ariana Grande Rain On Me GIF by Lady Gaga

Forgot what group fun looks like? Check out this 5-guy sex-train.