“I’m eager to start topping for the first time, but am having some anxiety”, reads the Fagony Aunt problem on last week’s Cocktails & Confessions.
For many gay men who start out their sexual journeys as bottoms (that’s more than half… we presume), it can be daunting to venture into topping for the first time. We wonder if we’ll stay hard, if our partner will enjoy themselves, or if we’ll do it right and all that other anxious shit.
Realise that topping isn’t a marathon
…At least not most of the time. When watching porn it’s easy to be deceived into believing that tops last for hours; in real-life? Not so much. Real talk, the sex marathons that we have are either few and far between or they’re with someone that we’re comfortable with, if not dating. So don’t feel pressured to stay hard or to perform for hours at a time. (At least not at first *wink*)
Get (gooood) head beforehand
If staying hard is something that troubles you, then making sure you’re rock hard beforehand is definitely something that helps. As Anthony Gilét shares, if he gives bomb head, you’ll be so turned on that putting on a condom and ‘entering’ shouldn’t be that difficult.
Besides, foreplay is generally required for decent sex (sorry we don’t make the rules), so this isn’t an area which should be slacked or rushed.
RELATED: Tops with Big Bottom Energy
Asses whether to inform your partner
Of course there’s no responsiblity to tell your partner at all. On the episode, Charlie shared that he didn’t inform his partner because he felt like admitting that to his partner would be to sacrifice his masculinity (or some of it); while on the other hand, Gilét informed his partner in a bid to manage expectations.
Personally, we think any man should be flattered to be your first bottom.
It’s not just you
Every gay man who tops has to do it for the first time. Whether you’ve done it hundreds of times, or a handful of times, the first time often comes with some level of anxiety. (Even stressing over whether your partner will enjoy themselves, is a feeling that all first-timers (straight, gay, top, bottom) experience).
You’ll probably be better than you think
Both Valentine and Gilét were surprised to find that their bottom had either praise for their topping skills, or a request for a second go.
Be at peace with poop
Just as dicks can go soft for tops, poop can happen for bottoms. It’s often not expected and certainly not wanted, but now that you’re on the other end of the stick (putting into someone), be as considerate as you’d want them to be for you slapped a skidmark on their thigh.
Check in on your bottom
Chances are, on your first-time topping you’re not going to be ragging some lad out like your life depends on it. But regardless of whether you’re rough, hung or overeager, it’s always nice to check-in on your bottom.
And this includes their safer sex practices! Please remember that many younger guys may be intimidated to ask for condom, so it’s always advised to check beforehand.
Want to talk about this more? I host monthly virtual cocktail hours for my gold members, where you can get all the advice you need! (In the space of an hour)