One thing we can never have too much of in London is queer festivals! And after last year’s debauchery, Mighty Hoopla has become a noted fixture in our calendar. In fact, Mighty Hoopla has a better line-up than London Pride itself; one that our 13-year-old closeted ass could only dream of.

Firstly… SAMANTHA MUMBA. I mean, that in itself should be enough really. I don’t know a single queen that doesn’t rate Mumba’s upbeat, catchy pop anthems. She better be doing ALL (three of) the classics. ALSO, Jamelia! Beware of the Dog? Girl, beware of us screaming in the audience like a teenage girl.

Then we’ve got a Booty Call with All Saints, before Re-e-winding with Artful Dodger. Enter Liberty X, who once covered Chaka Khan – who will also be there too.

We could never forget the iconic Tove Lo either, who will, most likely, get her tits out.

Actually, the line-up is so good this year, the excitement totally outweighs the anxiety of bumping into boys we banged and then never spoke to again. Now we just have to get a cute outfit… Mighty Hoopla is notorious for its colourful dress code; if you don’t look like Mr Motivator fucked a unicorn, then you’re the one who’s looking stupid.

(But can we ditch the glitter? It’s bad for the environment).

Mighty Hoopla is on the 8th June at Brockwell Park, London.

Tickets here