A year after #DisneyGate and there’s another rigid person telling me what is, and what is not acceptable forms of clothing. On a recent holiday to Cyprus, I was walking through the hotel lobby, (actually I was kicking the shit out of a vending machine because my bacon crisps were stuck), when I called over a member of bar staff to help.

The woman looked in complete shock. As if I’d just insulted one’s mother. Her eyes shot to my high-waisted briefs. “FIRSTLY, you cannot dress like that here!” she spat, “secondly, if you want help with the machine, go to reception.”

Wow. Somebody needs to get laid more than me. I put the underwear band away, kicked the vending machine again, and walked away with my crisps in my hand and my tail between my legs. It was only when I got in the lift that I could feel my blood boiling. I should state, that this isn’t a bouji hotel, and guests walk to and from their room in speedos and bikinis.

In fact, what had ha-happened was that the way I was dressed had made this woman feel uncomfortable, and she decided to adopt a role on non-existent superiority and enforce her warped beliefs onto someone else. No. I’m not going to change the way I dress, or what I say, or who I have sex with just so you can pursue a peaceful life of closed-mindedness. That’s not how this works. My outfit isn’t offensive; you choose to be offended by my outfit. There’s nothing wrong with expressing individuality, and the people that don’t like that are the one’s with the problem.



Although, I couldn’t help think that it ran deeper than that. If you’ve been to Cyprus before, you may have noticed that (although the many of the men may low-key swing both ways), the number of openly gay men is very limited. And even with the bisexual men that you talk to, the subject of gay sex seems somewhat taboo. The outfit was obviously not something you’d expect to see a straight man wearing, and certainly not in Cyprus. So from my understanding, her anger and frustration stems from something much more than what I was wearing.

Not on my watch. This was one dick I wasn’t taking lying down. By the time I got back down to the bar to confront her, I was ready to have a relatively civil (albeit heated) conversation, about why I couldn’t dress like this, when she starts nudging her co-worker and pointing and laughing at me. Clearly, this was personal. But I’ll be damned if a bitch with bad dye job was gonna make me feel intimidated. I asked her what the issues was, and stated that there are people around the pool in swimwear much skimpier.

It was like talking to a brick wall, she goes on that underwear and swimwear were different things, while I pointed out that I had shorts on. All you could see was the band of an underwear. “There’s children around…” There’s children? 

I went from Megan Fox to Megan McKenna at the slut-drop of hat:


THERE’S CHILDREN?! There’s children! Oh, don’t they know what pants look like? But it wasn’t about that. She didn’t want my outfit to give the children any ideas about homosexuality, because you know how that disease is contagious. That’s when I went into a the WHO ARE YOU?! WHO are YOU to tell ME what I can can’t wear?! YOU’RE NOBODY. YOU’RE NOTHING meltdown. It was relatively epic. But I’m not available for your kind of narrow-mind.

So you’re concerned about the children, yet there’s men walking around like this:


But I’m to assume that having your arse hanging out is OK because it’s “swimwear”? It’s OK because it could be considered ‘European’, while high-waisted briefs were clearly a sign of invasion from the western gay world? Oxygen thief.

I don’t understand why some people can’t just accept that other people are different. It’s not against the rules for me to show my underwear band. Why you worried about what I’m doing, it’s none of your business.

And I’m sure a lot of people would ask, why can’t you just dress normally? Most of the time I do… but why should I have to? Perhaps even the Disney incident was only the result of that one female security guard’s view. But the world is full of uptight pedestrians that have no qualms telling different people to be more normal. They’re the same people that don’t acknowledge the racism of the police force, the uber drivers that kick out gay couples for kissing, the same people that vote for Trump, and tell trans people to use the bathrooms of the gender they were born to.

And they’ll step all over anybody who will let them. So don’t. Be different. Stand out. Dance to the beat of your own drum, and fuck any basic bitch that stands in your way.