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The quest for greater girth and longer schlongs apparently continues, as it’s reported that men are now smothering their ballbags in testosterone gel to enhance their love life. Though the Daily Star reports that the hormone is actually a Class C drug… There’s enough blokes shoving class A up their noses, can’t see why a little Class C on the testes would hurt.

The gel which is used is apparently also present in roll-on deoderants. Cut to crowds of blokes vigorously rubbing the testers at Boots all over their hairy sacks. The gel is also used frequently by bodybuilders to provide extra testosterone, which aids muscle growth. But users of Reddit are boasting about their “fifth grade” erections, and being “horny as hell” as a side effect. While some men are obtaining the drug through prescriptions of their doctor, others are buying it illegally on the black market.


The gel can also be rubbed into the stomach, chest or shoulders, but is twice as effective on your nads because the skin is thinner. Reported effects of using the gel include energy, muscle mass, less fat, greater sex drive and an overall sense of well being. Sounds like GBL, if you ask us. Basically caressing this stuff into your bits is the same as a 1.5.

But with any up, there’s always a down. Obviously, you don’t know what you’re buying off the internet for a start. But you can also experience spots, painful erections, paranoia and aggression. Oh honey, a bit of aggression in the bedroom never hurt nobody. Well, actually…

But it’s could also cause baldness, big tits and prostate problems. So you may feel like an Adonis and fuck like a porn star, but do moobs and male pattern baldness actually attract anyone? Hmm, not sure that it’s worth the risk, especially when there’s entirely safe products that promise similar results.