WORDS: Anthony Gilét

You may not realise this, as many people don’t, and believe me it took a while for me to figure it out myself, but attraction and sexual attraction are not actually two in the same. Quite frequently you’ll find yourself thinking ‘damn, he’s hotter than GHDs’ or ‘I would let him bang me like a steel drum’, but what you later find, which usually comes with getting to know the person more, is that there’s a lack of sexual chemistry. Sure, you think the guy’s fit but would you be able to stay hard when push comes to suck, I mean, shove. Well, there’s only one way to find out…

Once you realise what kind of attraction it is you have, it makes the next decision easier to make. Does temptation get the better of you or do you play it safe and avoid a sexual encounter more awkward than when Jim’s dad caught him boning the pie…

The truth is, you never really know how the sex will play out until you get down to it. But if this person shares mutual friends, is it a risk you’re willing to take? You may be pleasantly surprised with a mind-blowing orgasm, but more often than not if you fancy somebody but don’t have the urge to rip off their clothes – that’s unlikely.

Similarly, you’re not always attracted to people you have amazing sex with. I’ve had (what felt like) multiple orgasms with someone before, but then when I’ve seen him with his clothes on and dodgy haircut all liking my pictures on Instagram, I’m like, ‘really?’ 
It’s just the way it works sometimes. A lot of it has to do with how that person carries themselves, their banter, their body – and ultimately – confidence. It’s a known fact that you will be more attracted to an ugly guy that smiles and says hi, rather than the ugly guy that sits in the corner – yeah, you know that thing you thought was a cactus plant. Trust, you may not give him the D, but at least you know he’s there.

Consider how you’re attracted to him, if it’s both of the two types of attraction mentioned (physically and sexually) – it’s probably worth pursuing – more so than if it’s only one way. And don’t beat yourself up if there’s a lack of that sexual energy, it’s just the universe’s way of getting bitches out of your path quicker so you can find The One.

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