Last week we explored the surefire ways you know you’re a Vauxhall trashbag. This week, we take a look at the things that define a visit to one of Soho’s most popular bars. Do you remember that time you wrestled a midget to the floor in the main room of Heaven? Of course. What about when you fingered that boy on the main stage? Afraid so. How about when you were drinking cocktail jugs with a straw and woke up on top of your friend’s overweight co-worker? Unfortunately.
1. You get asked to do Porn Idol
2. ‘Porn Idol’ – You’re thinking this…
3. You’re getting this…
4. The cheap drinks mean you’re sloshed in less than 45 minutes
5. Go home with someone you really wouldn’t normally have done
6. Can hear Dolly Parton
7. G-A-Y Late always seems like the best idea at the time…
8. Until you wake up the next day…
9. When you haven’t pulled by 2am, you’ll get a bit like this
10. And end up settling for what you can get
11. God forbid a Facebook check-in…
12. You’ve thrown up in the smoking area
13. Have had a verbal war with an aggressive lady sporting a mullet
14. Have been turned away from Late because you were too drunk
15. Or didn’t have your membership card
16. You’ve fallen out with your best friend on the dance floor
17. …Before an emotional climax
18. After six Jaegerbombs, got a little happy with your card
19. Had total shade with some queen in a belly top
20. You hear Lady Gaga’s ‘Telephone’ seven times in one night
21. There’s always somebody showing their best moves
22. An odd loner with four teeth attempts to chat you up
23. You have to babysit your really drunk straight friend
24. Bumping into an ex is inevitable as some point
25. When Little Mix are performing at Heaven and you need to be at the front of the stage
26. When the queue from Heaven runs all the way up to Charing Cross Road…
27. Think you’re the shit because you’re in Departure Lounge
28. Your memory only consists of this…
29. Come midnight, you think you own this move
30. Fag hags always get the dress code wrong
Other posts you might like:
>> 25 Ways You Know You’re A Vauxhall Trashbag
>> Did I Ever Tell You About My BOYFRIEND?
>> The Villagers of Orgy
