We love a good bitch. They frequently MAKE a good film, and in many cases can even make a bad film watchable. I thought I had a ratty/ratchet side when I’m sleep deprived, but I ain’t got nothing on these psycho white bitches.
1. Kathryn Merteuil – Cruel Intentions
Sarah Michelle Gellar gave the performance of her career as the cunning Katheryn in this adaptation of Dangerous Liaisons. She was sexy, slutty and gave countless one-liners (along with BARE blowjobs). Everyone wanted one of those snuff crucifixes too, and that lesbian kiss with Selma Blair was just iconic, winning her ‘Best Kiss’ at the MTV Awards.
Which Bitch: Rich Upper-East Side bitch.
Best Line: “God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex.”
2. Miranda Priestly – The Devil Wears Prada
Meryl Streep was made for bitchy roles. Based on Vogue’s editor Anna Wintour, Streep provided an icy stare and unrealistic demands (such as finding the unpublished Harry Potter manuscript) for her employees. She also had a string of insults up her sleeve, although only ever needing one to take you out in one fatal swoop. Tongue lashing at it’s every best.
Which Bitch: Fierce fashion bitch
Best Line: “Please continue to move a glacial pace, you know how that thrills me.”
3. Regina George – Mean Girls
Mean girls has become one of the most quoted films of gay (and straight) teen culture. Rachel McAdams modified what it meant to be Queen B, with their pro-skinny attitude, two-faced man stealing and the ridiculous trending of army pants and flip-flops; only SHE could pull that off. The Burn Book was cold-hearted bullying in paper form, but unfortunately the “Barbie doll we never had” got her comeuppance when she was taken out by a bus. But even that shouldn’t turn a real bitch good.
Which bitch: High School Queen B-itch
Best Line: “You can go and shave your back now…”
4. O-Ren Ishii – Kill Bill Vol. 1
Lucy Lui was constantly throwing shade as the sassy lawyer in Ally McBeal and she was no different in Kill Bill. While we felt sorry for O-Ren having her parents murdered, is that any excuse to rock up to your friend’s wedding and kick the shit out of her preggers arse? Honey, assaulting a woman with a bun in the oven is so cowardly. And allow interrupting her in the midst of a meeting – unless you wanna be beheaded.
Which Bitch: Revenge-Driven Chinese bitch
Best Line: “Silly Caucasian girl likes to play with Samurai swords.”
5. Maleficent – Sleeping Beauty
She may be animated, but Maleficent blows bare of these bitches out the water – she had super natural powers, minions, a raven that was more whipped than ice cream in a cone and don’t even get me started on that floor length gown! J’adore! she demanded that the King and Queen give up their baby – a baby?! Totally moral-less.
Which Bitch: Pure evil bitch
Best Line: “Well, quite a glittering ensemble King Stefan. Royalty, nobility, the gentry, and… [sees three good fairies] …oh, how quaint, even the rabble.”
6. Joanna Stayton – Overboard
That white yacht ensemble with the gold tassels speaks for itself. Goldie Hawn was the heiress of a millionaire that lives the high-life coasting around on her yacht while dolling out insults to her help and smoking ridiculously long cigarettes. Fabulous in every sense of the word.
Which Bitch: OTT bitch
Best Line: “Try to control your bodily noises so I can hear myself think.”
7. Peyton Flanders – The Hand That Rocks The Cradle
One of the original ‘bunny boilers’ Rebecca DeMornay was chilling as Ms Mott/Peyton Flanders and literally shook me to the core as a little child watching an over 18 movie. After losing her husband and then her child, Ms Mott worms her way into Claire Bartel’s family to seek revenge on her for triggering a series of terrible events in her life. She breast feeds her child, encourages her daughter to keep secrets and tries to seduce her husband – this bitch is SICK. Mental sick, not the good kind.
Which Bitch: Psycho bitch
Best Line: “When your husband makes love to you, it’s my face he sees!”
8. Ms Trunchbull – Matilda
Miss Trunchbull was pure evil – we watched her swing around a little (albeit mind-numbingly annoying) girl by her pigtails, force a fat kid to eat an entire chocolate cake and throw children into The Choker. Her militant style, chunky boots and abnormal upper body strength/ability to shot put suggested she was a blatant lezza, and everyone knows that a bitchy lesbian is ten times worse thanĀ any other bitch.
Which Bitch: Butch bitch
Best Line: “I like a joke as well as the next fat person!”
10. Gale Weathers – Scream
Even though by the end of the Scream franchise Gale Weathers was a likeable character that was in love with the token geeky police officer, many people forget that Courtney Cox ruled as the cut-throat reporter in the original flick. Gale was willing to do anything for a storyline
Which Bitch: Fame-hungy bitch
Best Line: “Look, Kenny, I know you’re about fifty pounds overweight, but when I say hurry, please interpret that as MOVE YOUR FAT TUB OF LARD ASS NOW!”
10. Page Conners – Heartbreakers
One of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s lesser known roles required her to play the gold-digging daughter of Sigourney Weaver where she had to seduce Ray Liota (girl, like that requires acting). While the film itself is fluffy light-hearted fun, JLW showed just how ratchet a hoe can be when she’s got a BANGING body. That perfect hour-glass figure even had me wet at one point. Who says you can’t have tits and legs out at the same time?
Which Bitch: Gold digging bitch
Best Line: “Oh yeah. His liver spots are positively glowing.”