Up: Low Profile Sex with High Profile People
You know what it’s like when you’re expecting the worst and then you’re suddenly surprised? Like turning up to a ‘chill-out’ expecting to see lads with scab-ravaged skin and hanging off a crystal pipe; then you walk in to a D&G ad – minus the underwear. And the first question you run is; am I at a sex party? Then the next thing you know your best mate is mincing around in a fish net jockstrap and you’re frolicking on a blow-up mattress beneath a 42″ LCD playing porn. So when your sex life begins to change from the occasional (and frequently disappointing) Grindr meet, to pulling the kit of an ex-international-sportsman – you can’t help but think that change isn’t always a bad thing.
Down: The Balancing Scales of Life
Someone, probably religious (or maybe just tripping balls) once said: “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” But, pothead or not, I believe they were right. You see the world works through balancing; for every life that God takes, there is a baby being born somewhere else in the world. Similarly, for every date that’s got a beer gut (or a boyfriend) he didn’t tell you about there’s some lucky bastard being proposed to by an investment banker that looks like Paul Walker, and didn’t get his personality from a wet dishcloth.
So as I mentioned before, all the hot sex that took place at the start of the weekend couldn’t happen without something to balance out the change. So yes, while throwing your morals (and knickers) out the window in a room/apartment full of hot men is totally fun – the repercussions might not be. Everyone knows it can be a little awkward bumping into someone you’ve shagged. So imagine bumping into THREE… at once. BIBLE.
WELL YOUR ADVICE WAS WRONG BITCH! *Wipes tears*
My advice: stay hidden behind your mirrored sunnies and slink away.
This weekend As One In The Park kicked off a summer of camp festivals, being the first in a line-up including; Summer Rites, Lovebox, Bestival and Prides around the world. And while for their first attempt at the festival, organisers didn’t quite hit the mark – it certainly holds prospect after word of mouth post-event this year. The sun shone and gave Britain’s hope that their will be some good memories in a summer of shit weather. And with festivals of course come the games; everyone is a little mashed, and when it comes to relationships starting, moving forward and even ending – believe it or not, festivals are one of the places that will push things into action. They bring out the better in people, and when people are happier – they’re more likely to take chances.
Down: Slow Minces
Is there anything worse than someone walking in front of you mind-numbingly slowly?
Somebody mincing in front of you mind-numbingly slowly. I thought the whole point of a mince was that you got places quicker despite what you looked like.
It wasn’t bad enough that his highlights made his hair look like the pattern of a tacky sofa from the sixties but now she was gonna make me late for As One In The Park. Mobile phone in one hand, some designer bag in the other and obviously glue on the soles of his espadrilles. Sister, if you’re gonna work some deluded style – at least do it quickly. I was wearing a crop top but that didn’t stop me sashaying in and out of all the people at Liverpool St station.
Up: Modern Family
Modern Family is a show that has quite simply gone from strength to strength. The characters are likeable – although I can’t stand that little Mandarin child; she just bowls into the family and thinks she can give everyone attitude because she’s the youngest actress on the show – I bet the writer’s don’t even give her lines, I bet she just ad-libs – bitch. But still, it’s hard to find a show that can make you laugh (yes, I was stoned) and make you cry (yes, I was coming down) all in one episode. I live for Hayley and Alex’s relationship; the popular girl and the nerd gradually becoming closer as they grow older.
Down: Jessie J
Urgh. Everybody has been talking about the new Jessie J track and apparently it’s nearly number one already. The song itself is actually quite catchy (yeah I was dancing after half a dozen listens), although I find Dizzee Rascal and Big Sean’s bits more enjoyable than hers – but the video is totally OVER-PROCESSED. Firstly, I don’t think her cutting off her hair was even a big deal, I think she wanted to do it ever since she saw Amber Rose and wanted to lick her out; she just used Red Nose Day to give her a push. She basically did it for her own lesbionic-styling-curiosity and made out like she did some good for charity. The intro is WAY too long, she’s giving WAY too much sass and what the fuck girl don’t even get me started on your hoops. Nelly Furtado was wrong – the bigger ain’t always better. And there is so much body-rubbing in the video, her hands are all over the place! Stop trying so damn hard, and people think that Rita Ora is thirsty! (Well, she is – but now so are you).