FAGONY AUNT: “I’ve Just Come Out as Bisexual, but my Family are Overbearing”

fagony-bisexual

I’ve just recently come out as bisexual and my family and friends are so supportive of it, but some of the questions they’re asking are really starting to bother me. My family has always been really open about sex, and they’ve always taught my sister and I to embrace diversity and that sexuality and gender is no barrier to achieving anything we want to in life. However, it’s the “open about sex” thing I’m not so great with!

I know they are just asking questions because they care, but they keep asking me how long I’ve known, what made me realise and who I’ve told. I feel so stupid for being awkward about their questions because I know some people don’t have families that accept them for who they are, but I’ve always been bad at talking about my feelings.

Then there is my best friend – he’s gay but I feel as if he’s judging me for coming out as bisexual. Every time I mention a woman I’m just friends with, he assumes I want to sleep with them. He never assumes that about guys and it’s really annoying me. I don’t feel as if I can be open with him now because he’s so dramatic and I know he’ll just moan about me to our other friends.

Hi Bi,

Firstly, CONDRAGULATIONS on stepping out of the cupboard! It’s great that you have hippy parents who embrace all walks of life; spending the 60s high on acid making out with every organism at Woodstock, really does lend one to an open-mind. That said, nobody wants to hear about mum’s and dad’s tantric sex positions at the breakfast table. I wouldn’t say it’s ’cause they “care”, as much as they’re nosey bitches.  Although, to be fair, the questions you’re stating don’t seem overly invasive; they just want the ins-and-outs *ahem*. Either suck it up like it’s a delectable penis that you no longer have to hide your apetite for. Or step up, and tell them that they’re emotionally rapey.

Alternatively, if their questions make you feel awkward, just make them feel twice as awkward in return. In life, you’re gonna encounter people who bite off more than they can do, and it’s your duty to make sure they choke. If they want the D-tails, you’re gonna give it to them; the nitty-gritty (and shitty). Divulge every gross detail of your new found sex life; here’s some ideas to get the ball-rolling: “I first realised, when I was watching anal porn, and wondered what it would be like to have a man balls-deep inside me”, or “well, obviously all of Dad’s friends know, ’cause, of the orgies last summer” or my personal favourite, “I’ve known from the moment Roy the neighbour put his hands up my shorts when I was twelve”. Watch your ‘rents have a crazy bitch-fit, it’s gonna be like Freaky Friday up your yard.

Personally, I’d take centre stage. Have my own one-man-show. Sashay downstairs every morning in a silk robe, salantro yo’self onto the breakfast bar, sipping a mimosa, while they guess if the footsteps coming from your a room belong to a mister or a sister. Cheers!

As for your “friend”, you know what they say: I get bi with a little help from my friends. And this KWEEN sounds like she got a case of the green-eyed monster. And she’s jealous too. It’s almost as if he’s throwing it in your face that you haven’t fully enrolled in cock college, and still muff-drive occasionally. Ugh, build a bridge and mince over it, queen. Sounds like the kind of ‘friend’ that thinks they’re gorgey ’cause they got botch lip-fillers and HD eyebrows. Personally, I’d ditch the vile wench, but if you’re not ready for that yet, you need to pull a sister aside, and explain that just ’cause her parade is over, she don’t gotta shit all over yours.

Now stop fussing over your first world problems and go make some bad decisions that will initially dent your self-esteem but that you’ll be able to laugh at years later!

Caio! xo

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Author: AnthonyGilet

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