NEWS: You’re now Legally Allowed to Stroke the Salami in Public (in Italy)


PSA! Gays are now flocking to Italy after the Supreme Court recently ruled it legal to masturbate in public. That means, you can get some Italian sausage and you don’t even have to go to a restaurant. The only condition in place is that the act can’t take place in front of a minor. So, we’re a little curious as to how this works exactly? Are we gonna be sitting in a restaurant in Rome eating our bowl of spaghetti, and look to the side to see some nardy perv playing with his meat balls?

“No offence, sir. But seeing your bodily fluids gather in your hairy belly button has really put me off my linguini”. Sorry, but it’s also really unhygienic. If we go to a pizzeria, we wanna be able to order the four cheese pizza without worrying that one of them came from the chef’s knob. Not to mention, butchers will be out of work, with all these blokes beating their meat all over the place. Although I’m sure it has it’s upsides too. If the waiter is tasty, we already know what we’re ordering: “I’m gonna take the chicken… But I’d like to choke it myself”.

The ruling comes after a 69 year-old was caught tugging himself off on a University Campus (we get a proper chub-on after our meals on wheels too), as you do. Convicted in May 2015, he was fined 3000 big ones, and a 3 month sentence. Then they realised he’d probably cost the prison a fortune in tissues. The case was overturned due to a change in the law last year which decriminalised the act, without a minor witness.

So who wants to go ‘cockspotting’ in Milan! 

[Image: Metro]


Author: AnthonyGilet

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