Bryan Hawn tells Cocktails & Cocktalk to ‘Kiss his Ass’ – We Politely Decline [Video]

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Earlier this year we posted an article that called out thirsty gay men – and more specifically told them to get in the sea and cool down. Naturally, the examples we used were the horrific attempts at lip-synching by a permanently-naked Bryan Hawn. We’re so glad he had enough backbone to clapback… Well, attempt to, anyway. Bryan Yawn has posted his most cripplingly cringe-worthy video so far – and it’s dedicated to “people like [me]”

The email reads:

“It was brought to my attention by Matthew at Boyculture that you had written a hate filled article about me and Steve Grand. So I wanted to MAKE SURE that you saw my latest video cause it is a special song that I wrote for people like you. lol


Aww, you shouldn’t have. No, really… You shouldn’t have. “Special” is EXACTLY what it is, hun.

*STAMPS: Return to Sender*

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Firstly, let’s just clear up that there was no “hate” in the article… Venom? Obviously. Banter? Like, duh. But above anything, just the brutal truth. I don’t know you, nor care enough to hate you – just simply stating how embarrassing your entire existence is. If I looked completely ridiculous, I’d hope that one of friends would be would be real enough to tell me to my face. Maybe you should question your inner circle… (instead of parading it everywhere online).

If I hated you, I wouldn’t even air your videos on my site, and besides I love a joke as much as the next person. But I actually respect the fact that you can make money without a sliver of talent; it’s mind-boggling. And the thing is, you know it too because if you put your batty crease away – where would ya be? We’re guessing flashing your arse out a graduation gown is the closest thing you have to a degree. Obviously the booty is your selling point, but joking aside – can’t you just flog your butt workout without inflicting these appallingly awkward videos on the world?

But hey, they say laughter is the best medicine, and this video is HILARIOUS; and quite possibly the whitest rap I’ve ever heard in my life.

As painful as it was the watch, we had to let you in on it. And while we all know that Bryan Hawn can’t lip-sync to save his life, this video highlights that he can’t sing, dance or rap either. I’m sure if you were really laughing all the way to the bank you wouldn’t be inboxing me links to your video – but I’m gonna give you some extra views cause you’re clearly still letting the trainees do your collagen.


Author: AnthonyGilet

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