Why Are Gay Men Obsessed With The ‘Straight’ Fantasy?


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As proud and open as we are as gay men, it constantly seems like we have a fascination with men that identify as ‘straight’. We’ve all heard phrases like, “I’m gay, because I fancy men… If I wanted a woman, I’d be straight”, which perpetuate the ‘Masc 4 Masc’ preference. And while plenty of us will jest about the stupidity of it all, it remains relatively true that “the more masculine, the better”. Is it really as simple as the fact that we find masculine qualities more attractive than feminine ones? Instinctively, you might think so. But even when a man isn’t overtly masculine, an abundance of gay men will be more attracted to him just because he carries a ‘straight’ label. (Personally, I prefer designer labels, but whatever floats your boat).

The term “Bro-jobs” that surfaced last year, (which describes two straight men having sexual encounters with each other), in particular, sparked heaps of gay interest. But why? Is it because these represent the kind of masculine man that we hope to be partnered with? Or is it something else?

Consider for a second if two identical looking men were placed next to one another, but you were told that one was gay and one was ‘straight’, I’d care to wager that a majority of gay men would be initially more attracted to the ‘straight’ one. But, again, why? Well, perhaps it has less to do with our ideals of masculinity and more to do with a fantasy that flirts with the idea of the forbidden? ‘Cause you know Eve wouldn’t have gone chomping down on that Granny Smith if it wasn’t off limits.

Remember when you were younger and in the closet, being gay and having sexual experiences with other boys was so exciting. There was something in the pit of your stomach that told you what you were doing was wrong, and perhaps even another part of you that got off on that. So perhaps we’re just hooked on this idea of pulling a straight bloke because it’s reminiscent of that taboo and adrenaline.


It ties in with that build-up of sexual tension that neither of you could deny, no matter how hard you tried. You’d resist it as long as you could, because being in the closet meant you wasn’t sure if the other boy was gay too, until eventually the line was crossed.

There’s something about doing something (or someone) that you’re not supposed to, and getting away with it. It’s part of human nature, because secrets and rebellion fuel adrenaline – just like it did when we were younger; whether it was fooling around with other closeted boys or stealing penny sweets from the local shop.

As well as that, many of us, whether we admit it – or even realise it – or not, are also enticed by the chase. We get an subliminal sense of accomplishment from sexual encounters with men who aren’t openly gay; it’s as if we’ve completed a secret mission. Straight men are seen as unobtainable, (or at least, less obtainable than openly gay men) and when we achieve something that is difficult – or perceived as difficult – we feel better about ourselves.

It’s a well discussed topic that gay men indulge in promiscuous sex for validation. Well, having sex with someone who doesn’t have sex with men (frequently, anyway) is bound to ignite spark that sense of validation even more. We think, ‘well, he’s straight and he had sex with me, so I must be pretty irresistible‘ – but actually he’s just getting off on the idea of doing something he feels he shouldn’t too.

So is it possible that gay men’s fantasies and attractions towards straight men stem from the ‘forbidden adrenaline’ that brings back an exciting nostalgia, as well as an even deeper sense of validation?


Author: AnthonyGilet

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