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Daniel May. Never has anyone been so desperate for fame since Katie Hopkins – although even we don’t believe that she would sink as low as to lie about an attack. Daniel May first caused controversy when he appeared on First Dates and made comments regarding his date Paublo who was admitted that he liked to wear high heels. May then went on to do an interview with GuysLikeU where he made the bold statement that “camp men make him embarrassed to be gay”.

We blogged the ridiculous comments, and told a queen where to sit (on our stiletto, whore). Daniel was clearly obsessed with the media attention surrounding him, sharing and retweeting every article speaking of him – even the ones that shaded him and his glittery ensemble. Desperate to drag out his 15 minutes, to an extended 20, May claims he was attacked near his home in Bromley by two men in their late-20s.

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Honey, not being funny, but if somebody attacked you they probably wouldn’t have done it half-arsed. So, was May crying wolf because although he loved the media attention, but he disliked being so hated? Well queen, that’s the price of fame thirst. May posted pictures of a whimsical bloody nose that looked like he’d merely been scratched by a cat. I mean, who hit you? Edna the elderly woman from next door with her broken wrist? For all we know, this could’ve been done willingly in his bedroom as he openly admits he likes to be thrown about in the bedroom. Not only that, but May never actually filed a police report, and skimmed over the sketchy details in his interview with Attitude magazine – who seem to have now removed the article.

The media picked up this story, calling the attack “violent” and “vile”. Girl, please, hold my earrings, I’ll show you violent. Following this, screenshots surfaced on social media claiming to show Daniel May ADMITTING to causing the injuries himself, with “things [he] found in his kitchen”. Wasn’t hardly a steak knife though, was it? WEAK.

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Since then, May has claimed that the account was fake. Babe, nobody has as much free time as you.

So where from here? WELL, he’s even hashtagged #MostHatedGay in a bit to get into the Big Brother house… let’s be real, even if this twat does make it in, she’ll be long forgotten a week after she’s voted out in week 2. And it seems that as aggravated as the public are, that May would lie about such a thing, people are rapidly losing interest in his vapid desperation… So he grabs another messed up gay clucking for fame, to double their publicity. ENTER: Jordan. The boy who spent “thousands” to look like Kim Kardashian. Great job, hun. Money well spent.

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Apparently these two banged. I don’t know what’s funnier, the thought of them two actually shagging, or being that desperate for attention to concoct this story. Firstly, Daniel can’t date a man in heels, but he can shag a bloke with a dinghy for lips and scousebrows on steroids? Bitches, you think we’re dumb? Secondly, as if Jordan Kar-krash-ian is the “best shag ever”. There’s more delusion between these two than the entire cast of TOWIE.

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And while I’m sitting here blogging about the catastrophe “couple”, honestly he best thing we can do, is to stop publicizing them, and hopefully they will disappear from our computer screens forever, seek the help and validation that they need from a councillor – as quite frankly, we should feel sorry for people with lives emptier than their misshapen collagen cock-catchers.