Are Modern Society and Accessible Sex Obscuring Relationships and Intimacy?


Gay men have a reputation for promiscuity. Any Tom, Dick or basic Ben knows that. But there are plenty of gay men that, (however desperately), are looking for love too. And perhaps it’s fair to say, that as the dating scene evolves it makes it harder for people to commit and easier to end up eiffel towered in a strange German couple’s hotel room. 

But it’s a difficult situation, because the gay men that boast about wanting something meaningful, or whinging about the frivolity of gay sex, are the same men engaging in it. “I just want to meet Prince Charming” he’ll say as the Grindr notifications purr from his phone. Pretty sure Prince Charming didn’t lure Cinderella to his shabby apartment in Zone 4, smoke her out on Tina, and attempt to fuck her with his limp dick. 

Are they hypocritical? Possibly. But, the truth of the matter is, they didn’t create this world of instantaneous blowies and “going home with anyone, is better than going home alone” attitude. And when you think about it, it comes back to the age old saying – ‘if you can’t beat ‘em (off), join ‘em’. And it’s true. Sure, in the long-run we may be looking for a husband and somebody to walk our ridiculously small dog through Soho Square with – but why should we refrain from having fun until that happens? Well, we shouldn’t. And here’s where the dead end occurs…The fact is that, this is what the masses are doing right now, and if you don’t jump on the wagon, you miss the boat completely. Or some other kind of depressing transport metaphor. Basically, because sex has become so accessible, it makes it harder to find the other men that do want a monogamous relationship, as even the good apples get mixed up with the bad. 

Not only that, but sex is also reasonably hard to avoid when it’s laid out on a platter with a side of poppers and GBL. So, objectively, we could boycott the apps, and the orgies, and the nameless one-nighters. But where would that leave us? Effectively… in the past.

But also, if sex is now our predominant means of meeting men, how are we ever going to meet someone that’s more than just a fuck? Sure, you might bang ’til you’re both seeing stars, and you’ll be smiling ear to ear until the honeymoon period (and drugs) wear off – but what happens after that implodes? That’s not to say that you can’t ever meet The One at a sex party or through your hook-ups GPS service, but it is pretty rare. Especially if you’re looking for a closed (legs) relationship. 

It’s an interesting theory as it seems in this day and age, if we don’t participate in the crazed sexcapades, our dicks dust over. But if we do, do we risk missing opportunities for relationships? Where would we be without modern dating? Sexless with blisters on our palms? Or settled, bored and loved-up? 

Author: AnthonyGilet

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