Dear Lonely Gay Singles,
Firstly, how are you? Because although people ask that on a regular occasion, it’s quite seldom that people answer truly. We say, “I’m good”, out of courtesy, because why would we burden other people with our problems. They are ours, after all. To complain, or to moan is alway such a negative thing – but it’s also a necessary thing. Or you can chose to repress it and enjoy a tumour years down the line.
But why is being lonely such a hard thing to admit? And it’s not just gay men, it’s people of all sexualities, ethnicities, religions, etc, etc. Nobody wants to admit that they are lonely because of the associations it has — desperate, needy, sad. Being ‘lonely’ has the connotation that you’re not wanted. Because people that are desirable should never feel alone, but truth be told, everybody is so busy with their own shit it has nothing to do with that.
The reality is, is that loneliness is a universal emotion. Whether you’re coming down on a Monday morning and realize that you haven’t ever had a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day, or are just hoping to make it through a recent break-up alive. Gay men, especially, love to put up this front that we’re strong and independent; we don’t need men because we’re fabulous enough as it is. But realistically, finding love is arguably even harder for gay men than it is for the everyday heterosexual. I mean, all we’re searching for is another loving, monogamous, attractive gay man that has personality and is totally perfectly matched with ourselves. Not a lot to ask for, really.
Truthfully, being lonely is one of the biggest emotional taboos in today’s society. Even when you tell one of your closest friends that you feel lonely, you’re given that face. You know, that one you get when you say you miss a loved one that’s died. That empathetic head tilt. And you know why? Because they know what it feels like.
But everybody handles it differently, some people chose to bounce from man to man, all the while knowing that it’ll never survive the test of time. Others seek a solution sexually, because sometimes being fucked by a stranger is the closest thing you can get to true love. Others will post the joking ‘Single AF’ status on Facebook, fake laughing as they’re four episodes into Netflix and chill with themselves. Others fill the void with raves, and clubs and drugs. Others just have a library of friendships to get them through the day.
You can go out and have sex with as many people as you want; surround yourself with as many friends and keep yourself busy every working hour of the day – but none of it feels the same as being entwined with someone you have true intimacy with, even if it’s just for those five seconds before you fall asleep.
You can date countless people, and it will temporarily solve the loneliness, but only until you’re next break-up. And it only makes finding The One that much harder, because you subconsciously fake love so often, you don’t even know when it’s real anymore.
My point is, don’t be ashamed to feel lonely, because it’s real life. It’s not something that makes you alien, it’s something that makes you human. Everybody understands it, but nobody talks about it. And maybe that’s OK. I’m not saying we should all chug red wine and get emotional because we got no mans. But just know that you’re not alone in feeling alone. It takes a strong person to be single in today’s society, so be proud of that. Keep doing you, and don’t ever settle.